i was slightly drunk last night. i should never drink with empty stomach. it was just a small bottle of vodka and it already got me staggering on the way home. i cant really drink well, just socially entertain friends and take a few sips. but i have never become this drunk in my life. a small bottle of vodka is not too much for me. it was because i was drinking with an empty stomach.


woke up in the morning with some headache.

it seems like today isnt much better than yesterday.

take a wide leap forward, cross over this hurdle, and may tomorro be bright and sunny again.


side track a bit, i was rather surprised just now because an MP came to visit us. if im not wrong, his name is some doctor Kumar, yeah a black indian... ok nvm, give him some respect.
he is quite a peasant guy, aside from that he is black, and he is indian.
ok sorry again.
he was here to inquire on residential welfare and estate management and things as such.
its my first encounter with an mp, and i almost wanted him to reflect to Jakumar, the head of MOE, that all schools should have fully air-conditioned classroom.

i was joking.

life is always full of setbacks.

here is my prelim result:

maths: D
physics: u
computing: S
GP: E
econs: unknown yet

ok, i screwed up my prelims. i cant go anywhere with this kind of results.

im having my final round of mock-A lvl papers in 2 weeks time before the actual A lvl papers.
i really have got to study really hard this time, or else, i can bid farewell to my uni life.

i hope to go to NTU and get a degree in economics.
sigh...

my comp has been down for the past few days. i couldnt identify where the problem lies at.
after being turned on for about 30min, my comp would go into a great depression. it works perfectly fine at start up, but after around 30min, it would suddenly start lagging like mad for no reason. the degreee of laggness is like... i click on start buttom, the whole system would freeze for like 10-20sec before the start menu slowly pops up.


i suspected that it was due to virus attack, could be a malware, trojan horse, spyware, worm... or anything related to virus. so i did a full system virus check with Avira, but nothing was found.
ok... so i turned my suspicion to memory overloading, but a null detection after scanning through the computer processes in task manager proved me wrong.
fine... so i did a storage capacity check and found that i have only 20g out of 160g hardisk memory left. the0retically although it may seem like my hardisk is almost full 20g of space left would more than sufficient to handle system processing, i still decided to delete some unused files to free up more hardisk space to eliminate the odd possibilities. again, the result buffled me.

so, i did a hardisk defragmentation to rearrange my memory bytes to allow faster system processing. still, to no avail.

then there came my last resort, i did a registry check and defragmentation. the registry doctor derected some 200+ error in the registries and corrected the error and later defragmented the registry. now... im just waiting to see it it helps to solve my problem or not. if it really couldnt help me, i really have no choice but to reinstall the whole windows os. dman... screw it man... i would lose all my data in the comp!!!

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anyway, these few days has not been pleasant to me.
i dont know u anymore. who are u? i guess i was right in the first place whem i stereotyped about young ppl nowadays. they do things impulsively. they do things when they feel like doing it. when they feel good about it. when they "FEEL" good about it. and the next minute, when they dont feel good about it, they change their mind and back out of it.
u r not even sure now if u like me or not. how u had elated me when u told me that u like me, now u shattered me in a even greater magnitude.
its like, when u take a ride on the roller coaster, the cabin takes u to the highest point, letting u enjoy some momentary joy, and the next instant, it speeds down to the lowest pit.
cruel isnt it? letting u taste some sweetness and later pawn u in great bitterness.

new blogskin, i spend around 3hr last night to build it. i like it very much, especially the dark shading effect. it was done using air brush in paint, took me quite a while to do the shading, because the blog background used the combination of a main background picture and a repetition of basic tile pix. so i had to make sure that the shading i did gel up nicely. of course i could have used an additional overlayer of picture with just the shades so that i can simply layer over the shades instead of painting the shade over the background, but the idea only came up after i had already began on the air brush painting, so i just heck care and continued.

the falling leaves are kinda cute too. i took the source code of the falling snow effect from my previous blog and modified it to change the snow into different forms of leaves and increased the number of repetitive leaves to create this autumn falling leaves effect.

maybe i should work on the cursor too. its a bit plain right? with just a bullseye mark.

today is my emo day again. u made me sad.
why cant u say something nice to me? why isit that i always hear those unpleasant stuff from u?

i need a change. i wanna be different, for a change of mood.

maybe i should start believing that i too can have my very own version of fairytale... and it has already begun... right right right???

its addictive to hear u calling me "kor"... my heart would just melt away like butter on a hot pan... yeah... its my soft spot...

i must keep my composure though. stay calm stay calm.

im scared that this is just an illusion.
maybe, maybe, tml i wake up, i would not hear from u again, because your heart has already changed.

young hearts tend to be changeable.
they are like opals, that shines different lights when exposed to a spectrum of lights.
they go with so-called "feelings". and feeling is a unstable object.
today, i feel good, tml, i may not.
so u see, "feeling" is not a reliable entity.
today, u feel pleasant with me, tml will u still?
i feel insecured banking my hope on something that is so impetuous.
is it real of what u feel towards me? or isit just an impulse, that would fade off the next minute?

i reminded myself for the umpteenth time that i should trust you in guilt of my sceptism. it didnt help. i guess the problem lies in me.

there will always be other guys around u, eyeing hungrily on u, ever ready to pamper u with romance whenever they see a chance to get near u when u feel down or depressed. would u be firm enough to resist the temptations?

i suddenly feel so old... maybe i think too much.

when i sat besides u, i almost wanted to disregard what others may think and just hold your hand, and hold on to it. i wanted to tell u that i want to have you, and could u be mine? it was an intense internal struggle, and the conscious overpowered irrationality.

do u feel tired?
cos u been running around in my head the whole day...

could this be a beautiful trap?

i trying hard not to fall into it, but my heart wouldnt comply to my order.

what if u are just another one of those love cheats? im being very cautious now, the deeper i dwell into this pit, the harder it will be for me to escape the pull.

r u for real?