found it while browsing a friend's website. haha

i will be a better man who is good enough for u.

been speaking to jing da about my relationship problems. when your are under stress or having problems, its really important that u have someone to speak to, to lend a listening ear, to be there to hear your complaints, to make you feel that there is someone who understands you.

its already been 1 week since i last met you. i know that you are busy, so i wont insist on meeting you.

in a relationship, trust is very impt. and i choose to trust every word u said. u told me that u are serious about this relationship. i believe you, that your heart is true and you wouldnt treat this relationship as a game.

i was for once really confused. what should i do now and how should i position myself? your response is always cold and antagonistic. i really didnt know what to do. but jing da told me that since you wouldnt take the initiative, then i should do it. im willing to give, the rest is up to you whether to accept or not. dont break my heart alright.

i like you, and i want to love you, though i dont really know what love is. dear i love you, how sweet is that?

craving for your attention.

just had a haircut. i look much neater now. the first person i wanted to impress with my new look was actually you. the first person to come across my mind after i had my haircut was u. but u didnt want to meet me then. sad right? there are a lot of things i want to tell you, but i couldnt. you are so near yet so far.

btw, i read from men's health that drinking milk b4 slp helps to promote muscle growth. our muscles grow 2X as fast when we are slpping than when we are awake. im going to try it!!! i still remember one of my classmates once commented that i look so thin from the side. yeah, i dont have a thick chest. i had to squeeze out a cleavage if im asked to. shame man!!! im not aiming to become a muscleman or whatever, but at least a thicker chest which will make me look more manly... so... i will start drinking nehneh b4 i slp every night from now on!!!

things are not going smooth, be it family, studies and relationship.

this is the first time ever i talk about my family. my parents are going to divorce soon, and im actually quite supportive of it. it will be better for everyone, better than having to endure such pain everyday. separation is not necessarily bad.

as for my studies, im finding much difficulties preparing for A lvl. there is too little time left, no more than 3 weeks. im aiming for ABCCC. but it seems rather unreachable given the pace im improving now.

and for me and you, i really dont know what to do. i know that u r busy preparing for A lvl too, thats why i try not to disturb u too much. but when it comes to a point where u wouldnt reply to my msgs at all even though i have already restricted myself to just one or 2 msgs a day, how am i to reassure myself that your heart still belong to me. i dont even feel like talking to you on msn or msg u now, because i know that even in the best case senerio, it would take u at least 1 hr to reply to my msn and 4-5hr to reply to my sms. i have made myself appear pathetic. im like a little child, begging for sweets from you, and u simply wouldnt bother.

maybe i think too much. to illustrate our relationship now, im like a space base, and u being a mischievious satellite playing hide-and-seek with me. despite me constantly sending out signals to detect your presence, you wouldnt reveal yourself.

a relationship needs to be managed. a couple need to make time for each other no matter how busy they are. and i dont ask for much, i dont ask u out to play or watch movies because i know that we need to study for A lvl, all i want is to be able to accompany you and study together.

i once asked you this qn: "aint you afraid that i would run away from you one day?" and u replied: "if you really want to run away, there is nothing i could do about it." i agreed with you. but now, it seems like im the one who should worry about it. im not sure if u still like me. are you thinking of leaving? come to think about it, u have nv taken any initiative to speak to me or meet me, except for the first time we went out to study at the mac. all these while, it has been me who request to see you. i sometimes feel that you are being pushed into this relationship with me.

do you really want to be with me?

im so silly right? despite complaining so much, i still urge to see you, to be with you, even if im somewhat disposable to u. i have already given you my heart, and i m not going to take it back.

do you still remember what i told u? "how do i run away when my heart is already tied to yours?" i did mean it when i said it, and i still do now.

u dont know how happy u have made me these few days.
im waiting for the right moment to pop the qn.
is it too early?

im like a little child in front of you, so frail so anxious.
i miss your hug, i miss your kiss, i miss u and i couldnt afford to miss u...

i want to hold your hands, and share with you my everyday life, to tell you how much u mean to me, to accompany you to gaze the stars every night, to kiss your forehead and whisper "good night" to your ears before u turn in every night, and to look into your eyes and tell you that i love you, yes i do love you.


im a little crazy now. i have always insisted on not to speak of love so frivolously...
rrrrrr... but right now, "i like you" is not strong enough to describe the intense feelings i have for you!!!

sometimes when i look up to the sky above, and i see a clear blue sky, i would wonder: are you looking at the the sky too? and do you feel that under this same piece of sky, somewhere there is someone missing you. and do you miss him too?

i feel so insecure.

30 days left to A lvl.

the countdown begins.