things are not going smooth, be it family, studies and relationship.

this is the first time ever i talk about my family. my parents are going to divorce soon, and im actually quite supportive of it. it will be better for everyone, better than having to endure such pain everyday. separation is not necessarily bad.

as for my studies, im finding much difficulties preparing for A lvl. there is too little time left, no more than 3 weeks. im aiming for ABCCC. but it seems rather unreachable given the pace im improving now.

and for me and you, i really dont know what to do. i know that u r busy preparing for A lvl too, thats why i try not to disturb u too much. but when it comes to a point where u wouldnt reply to my msgs at all even though i have already restricted myself to just one or 2 msgs a day, how am i to reassure myself that your heart still belong to me. i dont even feel like talking to you on msn or msg u now, because i know that even in the best case senerio, it would take u at least 1 hr to reply to my msn and 4-5hr to reply to my sms. i have made myself appear pathetic. im like a little child, begging for sweets from you, and u simply wouldnt bother.

maybe i think too much. to illustrate our relationship now, im like a space base, and u being a mischievious satellite playing hide-and-seek with me. despite me constantly sending out signals to detect your presence, you wouldnt reveal yourself.

a relationship needs to be managed. a couple need to make time for each other no matter how busy they are. and i dont ask for much, i dont ask u out to play or watch movies because i know that we need to study for A lvl, all i want is to be able to accompany you and study together.

i once asked you this qn: "aint you afraid that i would run away from you one day?" and u replied: "if you really want to run away, there is nothing i could do about it." i agreed with you. but now, it seems like im the one who should worry about it. im not sure if u still like me. are you thinking of leaving? come to think about it, u have nv taken any initiative to speak to me or meet me, except for the first time we went out to study at the mac. all these while, it has been me who request to see you. i sometimes feel that you are being pushed into this relationship with me.

do you really want to be with me?

im so silly right? despite complaining so much, i still urge to see you, to be with you, even if im somewhat disposable to u. i have already given you my heart, and i m not going to take it back.

do you still remember what i told u? "how do i run away when my heart is already tied to yours?" i did mean it when i said it, and i still do now.